''Loves me, loves me not....

I wanna fill her heart with forget-me-not, so she'll think of me, in Barcelona...'' I am dancing my socks off all day already to that Jens Lekman song. I know the lyrics by heart now...just gotta practice the hands-clapping. ;)

Jens is not afraid to lend his heart out to a stranger. 'Wear your heart on your sleeves' is a common saying. But what if we get burnt each time we try to open up? Emotional pain accumulates and we build armor, in order not to get hurt again. Our pain is our armor. 

This must not be. Jesus said 'build your house on rock, not sand'. I think what he meant was that if we build our lives on 'sand', we are always dependent on outer circumstances. One disappointing phone call and our world crumbles. If we build our house on 'rock', which is unconditional love, then nothing can really harm us. He who loves has conquered the world! 

Those disappointments arise from the expectations we have on other people. In order to enter a truly healthy relationship, it is vital to understand that the other person can neither add nor take anything away from us. From this point, freedom arises. 

The illusion of a partner is, in most cases, experiencing the lack of interconnectedness with all things, as author and speaker David Icke explains. We want to be with someone so badly because we hope that (s)he will ease our existential pain. For a while it even seems like that, when we are 'in love'. But soon, the frustration comes back and often, we project it onto the other person. This is where the human drama begins. The point is to look at the lessons we have to learn ourselves from this. After all, we have chosen that person to learn a thing or two, and not to be happily ever after.

In the play 'Closer', one of the female characters says to the other about men: 'They love the way we make them feel, not us.' Or, in other words: they are not in love with a person, but with the anticipation of the emotion they're addicted to. We don't even know what real love is. These 'I love you' s don't mean anything if we are at the same time capable of despising someone so deeply for something (s)he has done or said that hurt us. It is not love until it is unconditional. Real love has no opposite and knows no fear, is not conditional and not limited to one other person. We barely love ourselves. How can we believe to truly love another person? This is a very deceiving illusion that will cause us pain again and again. I am not trying to sound like a locked-up cynic here, but rather trying to understand the motivations behind everyday behavior and hurt.

Why do women complain that men cannot commit? Maybe because they feel contempt for men. Contempt that has grown out of past disappointment and accumulated emotional pain that still lives inside of us. And people always act according to how we expect them to act. If we believe that men are crap, then we will always attract men into our lives that will confirm that belief. Hence it is important to de-condition from such destructive thought patters and see others with fresh eyes, from a heart perspective. Understand that we are always complete and whole and the other person's task is not to make us happy, but aware. Shift your inside from fear to love, and the outside will unfold accordingly.

Many blessings,

Nadja xxx